So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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