it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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