i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
