You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize