Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
