I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
