my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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