So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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