Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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