In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
