i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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