i don't like sucking hair
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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