Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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