she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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