Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
The uberlube is also flammable
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
