You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
