Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
