She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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