I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Randomize
