I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
