Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
