You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
