Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
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