Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
pop tarts are not kleenex
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
