Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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