I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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