Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
