Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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