Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
