Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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