my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
party gras won. party gras always wins.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
