Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Randomize