New invention idea: vibrating tampons
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
