You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
