We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
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