...so i touched it.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
