First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
