bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
