I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
