The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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