ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
you had me at cake vodka
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
