3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Randomize
