we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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