I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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