I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
