just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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