Having a random hookup so left but love u
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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