i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
