Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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