I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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