I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Randomize
