she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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