you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
