This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
