My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Randomize