So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
