did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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