Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
