remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
