Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Randomize
