Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
