Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
