I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
