Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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