His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
if only i could text you this smell
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
