I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize