I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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