there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
