Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
