God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
