I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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