I just made out with a guy for $7.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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