I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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