I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
