If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize
