I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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