I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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