It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
