winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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