it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
