MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
