Need sex. Gaining weight.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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