I'll bet she douches with gravy.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
