The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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