I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
