I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
