so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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