yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
It's shark week go big or go home
Randomize
